Second Wish
by Quifeng
Summary: They were granted one wish and one wish only. There are no second wishes, not in this world.
1. Prologue

Prologue

They were granted one wish and one wish only. To them, it sounded like something from a fairytale. One wish to have anything they ever wanted no matter how impossible. No **ill life** , no **false love,** no **pulsing regrets,** just one wish for one price. A price that secretly culminates **dwindling hope** and calls for **forced freedom.** There are no second wishes, not in this world.

-Author Note-

Hey there, Quifeng here. This is my first fanfic so reviews are welcome. There won't be many chapters. Just one for each character. Thanks for reading.


	2. Mami - Ill Life

Mami – Ill Life

Mami doesn't remember how things became like this. Her home, her family, her life, all of it was nothing but an empty shell now. Every day from afternoon to night, she walks the streets of the town like a soldier of justice, seeking out the witches and familiars that feed on people's troubled souls. She's a hero. She's an ally of good. She's justice. That's what she tells herself whether it's true or not. Maybe because she needs to believe that to go on. Maybe because her life would be less than the empty shell it already is without that mindset.

She can hardly remember her parents anymore. The way they laughed, the way they smiled, the way they loved her, she can hardly remember any of it anymore. Then she thinks back to the car accident and her wish, her selfish wish. A stupid, selfish, useless wish with the cruel price of becoming a cursed magical girl. What was she living for? What was she fighting for? She keeps telling herself that it's for justice, for the sake of saving people, but is it really worth it?

"Don't rush in making a wish."

Mami knows this lesson all too well and makes sure to tell Kaname Madoka and Miki Sayaka before they forge the cruel contract. She knows they are ignorant to the true nature of being a magical girl. They only see her cool side, her reliable side as their model senior. They don't know that her life has become utterly ill from the isolation and loneliness, but that's also part of the reason why she doesn't want to show them that secret side. If they become magical girls, they can cure her life's illness. A small part of her believes that, but another part of her, the part that has seen so many failed encounters, whispers the fruitlessness of it all.

"Miki-san, do you truly wish for his dream to come true, or do you only want him to be grateful to you?"

Mami's words are harsh, she knows, but she has to say it even if it deters Sayaka from becoming a magical girl. A life full of regret, she wouldn't wish that upon anyone. No, not after what happened to Sakura Kyouko – the Sakura Kyouko she once loved as a student, a friend, and perhaps even as a younger sister. That Kyouko will forever be nothing but a faint memory to Mami now, and she keeps wondering if there was anything she could have done to change what happened.

 _"Can you teach me how to fight better?"_

The innocent request rings fresh in Mami's mind as she remembers their first meeting that seemed like so long ago. Those days were everything to Mami. The careful bond they had built with each other, she didn't know just how fragile it really was. She didn't know things like that could break so easily, and she thinks that maybe it was just never meant to be. Magical girls were just never meant to be friends.

 _"This cake is amazing Mami sempai!"_

Mami eats the cake she made and feels it become bitter with every passing day since Kyouko's departure. After experiencing the friendship she always wanted, being alone felt worse than before. Was her home always this big? Was it always this empty? Was it always this lonely? She doesn't know. All she knows is that a part of her stopped trying to make friends that day. Kyouko became Sakura-san, and Madoka and Sayaka would forever remain Kaname-san and Miki-san. She promised herself to never breach that line again.

"Mami-san, it's okay to call me Madoka."

That promise makes Mami seem cold, perhaps even colder than Akemi Homura. There's something about that raven haired girl that makes Mami envious. It's probably the fact that she attracts others without even trying to do so. Without magic, Madoka and Sayaka along with Kyouko would never have taken interest in Mami. That makes her even more aware of the gap between herself and them as well as the reason for her promise. She's different from those four, being both physically and mentally older. She has no place in their circle, none at all.

"Why must humans insist that companionship is needed for survival?"

Mami doesn't know how many times Kyuubey has already asked her that, but it's more than she can count. His science, his factual nature, all of it irritates her to no end, and she wants to ask him: why do you think it isn't? She doesn't though, because she knows he'll spit a biology lesson back. She's not in the mood for his heartless science, not right now.

"This is why I'll never understand humans."

Of course Kyuubey doesn't get it and never will get it, he only wishes for the energy to power whatever cursed universe he derives from, and that's why Mami will never understand him either, because he's a hypocrite. To survive, he needs Mami's companionship. Without her, or anyone else for that matter, he has no energy to maintain his survival. She wonders if that would throw him in a loop and make him feel like the stupid one for once.

"If you wanted friends so badly, you should have wished for it."

Something in Mami ticks from hearing that. He's annoying her, and her fingers are itching to wrap around his small neck. She's about had it with him, with everything.

"Your wish was useless after all. You would have been kept alive even if you hadn't wished to not die."

Mami's ribbons are already restraining Kyuubey tightly, and before he can even utter another word, a bullet has blown a hole through his head. A minute later, she pulls a musket from thin air and unleashes it upon the incubator trash that has come back. She's lost it, the reason that has kept her sane till now, she's lost it. Her sun yellow soul gem has already adopted a dark tint at its core that continues to grow.

The windows are shattered, and Mami leaps across the building tops. She's thinking about how foolish she is, how gullible she is, and how she would have been better off dead in that car accident. It would have saved her from this cruel fate that has shown her nothing but an ill life, and before she knows it, death has been granted to her in the form of a sweet-toothed witch named Charlotte, and Mami lets it happen because she's tired of merely existing in such a world.

She holds a head in her arms that she doesn't realize is her own. It's dark where she stands, and she knows that this is what death is for a magical girl. No heaven, no hell, only pitch black darkness. Even in death, she is meant to be alone, and the head in her arms sobs with endless tears. Mami thinks back to the car accident, to her wish, and if she could have a second wish, she thinks to herself: _I wish I died._

-Author Note-

Quifeng here. So Mami I feel like always gets the short end of the stick most times. I guess the hero complex, cliché move names, and lack of pairing override everything else. I think it's weird though how her wish was to not die, but did that actually do anything? Wouldn't that be invalid? Like if she wished for yellow hair when she already has it, wouldn't that be invalid? A wish is not actually being granted. But I suppose "not dying" and "living" are different things though. Anyway, review if you can and thanks for reading.

p.s. This story is on wattpad by the way in case it seems familiar.


	3. Sayaka - False Love

Sayaka – False Love

Sayaka loves him. She doesn't care what anyone else has to say about it. She knows she loves him. She loves Kamijou Kyousuke, and that's why she uses her wish to heal his broken self that is fading into depression. She remembers Mami's harsh words and tells herself that's not it. It's not false love or the yearning for gratitude. Sayaka only wants him to become the strong-willed boy she first fell in love with. A powerless boy with a lost dream, she doesn't want to see him like that.

She smiles to herself while watching him practice the violin again. That serene expression on his face is enough for her to know that he is happy, and that makes her even more certain in the choice of her wish. Feeling happiness because the one you love is happy, isn't that what love is?

"I'm sorry, Sayaka-chan. After what happened to Mami-san, I…"

Sayaka knows what Madoka is trying to say. That she's scared, that being a magical girl is not like it is in fairytales, and that she's guilty for backing out in making a contract. Sayaka tells her it's okay though, because she's fine on her own. She'll take over for Mami in protecting the city, because that's what Mami would have wanted. She's going to become a soldier of justice just like her beloved role model Mami.

"Mami was an idiot, and you're an even bigger idiot for following her idea."

Sayaka clenches her jaw at Kyouko. The red haired girl is obnoxiously annoying. What gives her the right to badmouth Mami? She was a hero, a real soldier of justice unlike the selfish Kyouko, and Sayaka makes sure to point that out. From stealing food to fighting witches only when she felt like it, Sayaka brings to light the ugly faults in Kyouko's morals. It's no wonder Kyouko is friends with Homura. They are both selfish, and their wishes were most likely selfish too, and she vows to never become like them. She'll continue Mami's work and protect people like real heroes do. That's what justice is. That's what love is. She'll never waver, never.

"Sayaka-chan, I love Kamijou-kun."

It hits Sayaka like a bus, and she's not sure if she heard it right or not. Where exactly is this coming from? When exactly did Shizuki Hitomi start having those feelings? More importantly, why is Hitomi telling her this after Sayaka has already made her wish? It enrages her to the point of wishing she had never become a magical girl or made a wish. What irks her more is that Hitomi's confession sounds so very shallow.

Why did she wait until Kyousuke experienced the miracle of Sayaka's wish? It makes her think that Hitomi is just as selfish as Kyouko and Homura. Sayaka loves him more, that's what she thinks, because she gave up so much just to see him smile again. Her wish, her life, her humanity, all of it was given up just to see him become happy again, and she refuses to think that that is fake.

"Just waltz in there and break his arm. He'll surely come crawling back to you."

Sayaka hates herself because she actually considers the inhumane option. Then again, she isn't human anymore, so she thinks that maybe it's okay to do it, to break his dream and watch him cling to her again. That contradiction leaves her torn though, because what was the use of her wish then? What did she become a magical girl for? Wasn't it to save her love from becoming the pitiful mess she hated? Then for the first time since hearing it, she starts to understand Mami's harsh words. She starts to really understand them and clings desperately to the small belief that she truly wished for Kyousuke's dream and not his gratitude.

Sayaka is telling herself that she's happy as long as she can hear Kyousuke play the violin again. She keeps telling herself that is all she wants from her wish, and to prove it, she distances herself from Kyousuke romantically. It's easy at first because she's determined to show everyone they are wrong about her wish, but as she walks the streets of Mitakihara alone at night, she wonders how things turned out this way: alone with no love and pride inflated enough to push Madoka away. Then she suddenly understands the emptiness that was sometimes placed in Mami's yellow eyes. This is what magical girls truly are.

The thought repulses Sayaka, and she can feel her resolve fading fast into darkness. The beautiful sky blue hue of her soul gem threatens to become darker than night, and Sayaka is scared more than anything else because she realizes the ugly truth of herself. She's a hypocrite. She's the real selfish one. Her wish, her actions, they are both selfish, but Kyouko tells her it doesn't matter anymore. A call for pity? Sayaka pays no heed to whatever is said though, because she knows that it's all lip service from a guilty conscious.

"It's a miracle that you're almost fully healed."

Sayaka is watching as Kyousuke walks home with Hitomi. Kyousuke is happy, Sayaka can tell, because he's making that face he always makes when he's happy. Love is defined as being content when the one you love is content. If that is true, Sayaka wonders why she's clenching her fists so tightly when she sees them kiss so happily, when she sees them hold hands so comfortably, and when she sees them together so casually. She's so incredibly enraged beyond words when the one she loves is the happiest he probably ever will be, and it doesn't make sense to her, none of it does.

Sayaka wonders why she's in her magical girl outfit with a sword at their throats. They're trying to speak, to scream, but it doesn't reach Sayaka's ears like she's all of a sudden become deaf. Something in the back of her mind has snapped, and her sword is swinging absentmindedly. Blood splatters paint the ground and her clothes carelessly in her blue eyes that have been glazed with psychotic madness. That is her miracle to claim. That wish belongs to her, and her alone.

"Sayaka stop, please!"

Somehow that plea reaches Sayaka, and she looks at the bloody corpse laying at her feet. Where is Hitomi's leg? Then she realizes that she's holding an arm in her other hand. She knows very well whose it is without even looking to her loved one. It _is_ the arm she wished to save after all, the arm she gave her life up for. Kyousuke's sobbing, and in the deep depths of Sayaka's heart, she's smirking because he finally feels what she has been feeling.

The rhapsody of an orchestra never meant to be fills her with more grief than she can swallow, and she conducts this sad lot to cast sorrow among the people as Oktavia von Seckendorff. She doesn't hear their screams, their cries of pain. No, she only hears that song that made her know love for the first time, and somewhere in the corner of her eye, she sees the boy who played that song. She sees him without an arm, pushing a girl without a leg in a wheelchair. They're smiling, they're happy, they're in love, and a part of Oktavia, the part that contains Sayaka's repressed feelings, cries with empty tears as her orchestra continues their never ending serenade.

Sayaka knows by now that her love was a hopeless one. She knows and wishes she knew before things became this way, before she made her selfish wish for such a false love, and she thinks back to that day, that concert where her orchestra of love began, and she also thinks of her wish. If she could be given a second chance, a second wish, then she thinks to herself: _I wish to never know love._

-Author Note-

Quifeng here. Well for Sayaka there isn't that much for me to say. Anyone who has known unrequited love probably understands a little of what she's going through. The question is: are you going to grow and push on, or let it hold you back and cling to it? Same question goes to Kyousuke and his dead arm situation. If you ask me, I think he didn't even like Sayaka romantically. They were just friends who liked the same kind of music which I suppose is rare since how many middle schoolers actually like classical music outside of orchestra class? He was never going to reciprocate and I think a part of Sayaka knew that. If there was just a bit more time between Sayaka's wish and Shizuka confessing, I think she would have been ok. Well, thats it for me. Review if you can and thanks for reading.


	4. Kyouko - Pulsing Regrets

Kyouko – Pulsing Regrets

Kyouko sits on the dirty steps of her father's church eating an apple. She's thinking and thinking very hard. She's trying to recreate what her father's church looked like before the stained glass windows were broken in, before random wood logs were tossed about on the ground, and before her family died. The thought halts her from eating. It's starting to taste terrible in her mouth like metal, but she forces herself to swallow it.

Her father's words cross her mind again, and she abruptly stands up on the top step of the church. It's empty. That's no surprise, but she wonders why she keeps noticing it. This time, last time, the day before that, she keeps seeing the emptiness in this church, in everything. To explain this, Kyouko thinks that maybe, just maybe, there is some deeper meaning to it. That sounds ridiculous to her though, like it's something Mami would say instead. Symbolism and sentimental things were not Kyouko's strong suit. She could care less about that. Self-sufficiency is all that matters to her. She's learned that the hard way.

 _"That's not a miracle, it's a curse!"_

Her father was right about that. The power that granted her wish truly was a curse, not a miracle. All she wanted was for people to give her father a chance and at least listen to what he had to say. She regrets that wish now. If only she hadn't been so weak, so simpleminded, her family would still be alive.

Kyouko becomes lightheaded but catches herself on the dirty door frame of the church. Images of her father hanging lifelessly from the ceiling pour into her head. Her mother and sister are lying in a pool of crimson, holding each other with such horror on their still faces that have been burned into Kyouko's eyes as a haunting reminder. She can smell the blood and stench of alcohol mixed with gun powder as if she was still in that very room. It's making her sick and reminding her of how there's nothing left for her in this world.

 _"It's scary to be alone, I know."_

Kyouko feels her stomach ease at remembering Mami, her former teacher. A part of her is grateful for having learned so much about witch hunting from Mami, but another part of her wants to erase the yellow haired girl from her memory. Why was the girl so damn set on being a hero of justice? Kyouko thinks it's stupid. Risking your life for people who don't even know you, don't even appreciate you, it's just stupid. There is no gain from killing familiars, so what drove her former teacher to have that unmatchable passion? She will probably never know nor understand.

"Mami has fallen. Mitakihara has no magical girl now."

Kyouko takes a long moment to process Kyuubey's words. She's holding a large portion of her feelings back when she heartlessly claims the territory as her own now, and Kyuubey isn't smart enough to see through her façade. That or he just doesn't care enough to point it out because he leaves in a rush. Kyouko does the exact same and arrives on Mami's apartment balcony.

She stops herself from entering because someone else is in there. A pink haired girl in the same uniform as Mami's school. According to Kyuubey, that girl, Kaname Madoka, had magical potential filled to the brim. Definitely a worthy apprentice for Mami and perhaps a better friend, unlike her own self. After Kyouko flips through the campus notes and reads a personal note written in the back, she feels the regret of leaving her friend all that time ago. She never did understand Mami, the real Mami. The loneliness was too much for her gentle teacher, Kyouko knew that, yet she still left. If she hadn't, would Mami be alive right now? It's just another one of the regrets she marks up on her score board right next to her wish.

"It's none of your business whether I kill familiars or not."

Kyouko narrows her eyes at Sayaka, claiming her to be an even bigger idiot than Mami. More than that, she wonders why there is someone even more stupid than herself in their decision of a wish. At least her wish was to help someone who cared for her, Sayaka saved a self-centered boy who could only see the emptiness of a half filled glass. It makes Kyouko feel sorry for the blue haired girl because she doesn't yet know the truth about the curse of magical girls. She hasn't experienced the regret that manifests from a wish never meant to be made, and somewhere deep down inside, Kyouko secretly hopes she doesn't because that pain is enough to incite death.

"Walpurgisnacht will come here in one month. What do you say to a truce, Sakura Kyouko?"

Kyouko pauses for a moment. Kyuubey was indeed right. This girl, Akemi Homura, is an irregular. How she knows these things is beyond Kyouko's thought work. It's as if Homura cares but also doesn't, like the light has died somewhere in her eyes, and Kyouko doesn't know whether she can trust the irregular or not. She agrees nonetheless perhaps due to a lack of anything else better to do. If the time ever comes that Homura double crosses her, Kyouko knows exactly how to make a counter move and that involves Madoka.

There's more to those two than either let on, Kyouko just knows. Whether Madoka plays innocent or Homura gives the silent treatment whenever Kyouko asks about it, there's a deep connection that they both hold onto so dearly, and sometimes it makes her jealous. It makes her think of her broken connection with Mami, and the connection she wants to make with Sayaka. There were so many chances to mend both, yet she let them slip by like a passing shower. She'll surely regret it later like she always does.

"You should have left it in the labyrinth. Make sure to dispose of it carefully."

Kyouko lets the words fade in silence as she carefully lays Sayaka's lifeless body on the bed. Those words are rather cold even to her own ears, and she wonders just how deep the mystery of Homura can become. It was just the other day that Homura ran herself breathless to return the lost soul gem to Sayaka, and now she couldn't care less what the blue haired girl had become. Every time Kyouko thinks she understands Homura just a bit more, the girl changes into a completely different person. That should be the least of her worries though. Right now she's more concerned about how to bring Sayaka back, that is, if it's even possible. According to Kyuubey, it isn't. Then again, how many times has that thing been honest? The deceitful incubator is hardly trustful.

Kyouko holds her soul gem out to let her magic rain on Sayaka. Just the sight of her makes Kyouko's thoughts wander to all the regrets in her life. This will be yet another one that gets marked up on her scoreboard right next to Mami's death. Just how many people has she killed indirectly or otherwise? Thoughts like this make her sick enough to want to die, and she wonders if that option is still even available to a cursed girl.

"Can we really bring Sayaka-chan back?"

Kyouko hesitates before nodding. She keeps asking herself if this is the right thing to do. Madoka is still a bystander to these events, and Kyouko isn't sure she can promise the girl's safety. She tries to calculate the risks involved in this gamble. To erase one regret, another of equal value has to be put on the line, and Kyouko isn't exactly beaming to tally up another on her scoreboard.

"Please Sayaka-chan, let's go back together."

Kyouko should know better by now, but she hasn't learned anything at all. Bringing Madoka was a mistake, and she can't undo it. Sayaka is beyond help. Kyouko knew that, yet she still wanted to try. She's in a tough spot now because she has to choose between another regret and death. To leave Madoka and escape, or fight and die. Either way Kyouko will have killed another person. That thought is enough to make her want to give up and end things here before more regrets can pile up.

"I never thought you would try something this foolish."

Homura's appearance doesn't surprise Kyouko. In fact, she's grateful because there will be one less regret haunting her after death, knowing Homura will do anything to save Madoka. Kyouko brandishes her spear, ready to throw away everything. She knows she can't come out of this fight alive, but she's still going to do this. Partly because she wants to save Sayaka to erase that regret, and also partly because she's decided that this is the end. With so many deaths piled up at her feet, she's tired of always being the only one alive to harbor these pulsing regrets.

Before anything can even happen though, her world goes black, and she wakes up on the ground of a dirty alley. Her head is throbbing, and she realizes Homura standing there holding Madoka in her arms. Kyouko pieces things together and curses at the conclusion she's come to. She curses at Homura and angrily shakes her by the collar before throwing a punch that the raven haired girl can't dodged. She's screaming with hot tears running down her cheeks. She's screaming about wanting to die and why she has to be cursed with being the only one still alive.

"Because you're a survivor. I told you this before: you're the one most suited to be a magical girl. You have no wavering sentiments."

That's wrong. In truth, her tough personality is all a front, and she's surprised she pulls it off well enough to fool Homura and maybe even herself. But deep down inside, Kyouko knows she can't reject the part of herself that secretly wishes to reach out to people like when she was young, and naïve, and free. She recalls Mami deeming her akin to a sentimental romantic once before on their long night walks. It honestly made Kyouko laugh upon hearing it, but now she can only hold those words tightly in her hands. She didn't deserve those kind words then, and thinks that maybe Homura's own fits her better now. Though she can't deny the sadness when the people she holds so dear keep dying around her. Being a survivor isn't as good as it sounds.

Kyouko shoves Homura's poker face away and starts her trek with spear in hand. Each step she takes yields that emotionless expression to block her path no matter how many times she pushes past it. Just when the irregular gives up in her stubborn pursuit, Kyouko catches the fleeting innocent pink of Madoka vanish into the tainted midnight of Homura. The spear breaks in her hand, and she knows blood has been drawn from clenching much too hard. She's jealous though the reason isn't clear. Perhaps it's because Homura was able to dispel a regret so easily, or perhaps it's because she couldn't do anything to help anyone yet again.

Kyouko plays with the thought and lets it sit on her mind as she makes it back to her father's secluded church. Nothing's changed from the broken stained glass windows to the scattered lumber. Nothing has changed at all except for one thing, and Kyouko finds it in the corner of the prayer hall behind a dirty rag hanging from the ceiling that used to be called a curtain. Her spear scratches into the wall as the life dies in her eyes just a little bit more. There's way too many tallies to even count, but only these five matter to her. It's Sayaka right next to Mami as well as her father, mother, and sister.

Her fingers run across her precious people and surprisingly, or not, she doesn't shed a tear. Her eyes go back to the battered first tally on her wall of regrets, and her spear stabs it harshly yet again. She sits on the dirty steps of the chapel and brings a chocolate pocky stick to her lips even though she isn't hungry. Kyouko is thinking and thinking very hard. She's accepted the fact that she's a survivor who is burdened with carrying the pulsing regrets of a wish never meant to be. She's accepted it whether she likes it or not, and that is probably why she is the most suited to be a magical girl. Her wish was stupid and full of nothing but regrets. It's something she will never be able to change, and yet she wonders what she would do if she had a second wish. She ponders and ponders and manages to laugh because it sounds so childish, but she thinks to herself: _I wish for no wish._

-Author Note-

Quifeng here. So I think Kyouko is the most suitable to be a magical girl because she's adaptable. She changes depending on what situation she's facing. She pushes on and tries to find a way to make it work. Because of that, I feel like she only made a wish because she could and not because she wanted to or needed to. For me, her pre-wish situation seems the most normal or able to overcome next to Sayaka's. I'm sure she knows that and that's why her biggest regret is making a wish in the first place. Well, that's about it for that. Review if you can and thanks for reading.


	5. Homura - Dwindling Hope

Homura – Dwindling Hope

Homura coolly stands in the hall, awaiting to make her entrance for her first day back at school. She's seemingly calm and collected, but on the inside, she's fighting a raging tide of emotion that she is not sure she'll win against. Because as soon as she steps inside the classroom, her heart threatens to be swept away at the very sight of her precious person, Kaname Madoka. Homura is quick to extinguish any weak sentiments though because that will only bring failure to fruition, and she absolutely cannot have that.

"Homura…chan? It sounds like a cool name."

Homura bites her lip hard enough to bleed. It's so sickeningly nostalgic in every way. The same words, the same voice, the same rose pink hair, the same red ribbon, all of it pushes Homura closer to the edge of insanity. And the minute she sees those eyes, she wants to scream. One hundred and sixty eight times. 168. That is how many times she has been cursed to gaze upon that innocent shade of pink. She hates those eyes because they don't recognize her, yet she loves those eyes because they were the first thing to ever save her.

"Who exactly are you, Akemi-San?"

Homura isn't surprised that Tomoe Mami has already become suspicious of her actions. This girl was the first of the five to become a magical girl after all. She's been present in more territory wars than any of them have. That isn't the thing that worries Homura though. It's Mami's tactical abilities that make the raven haired girl walk on eggshells. The yellow soldier of justice hardly had any flashy abilities such as Homura's time stop or Sayaka's rapid healing, yet she could best any of them in a fight.

That makes it all the harder for her to complete her goal. She needs to separate Madoka from Mami if she wishes to save the former, but she'd rather not have a bout with the latter. Somehow, Homura understands Mami's intentions though. Because once upon a time, she was the exact same, and perhaps she still is. That doesn't mean she'll hand Madoka over to Mami though. Homura will make sure to free Madoka of this curse no matter how many times it takes.

"Give that back! It belongs to Mami-San!"

Homura holds the grief seed of the sweet-toothed Charlotte in her hands as she warns Sayaka and Madoka to mind their place, less they wish for the same fate as Mami. If this were several timelines ago, Homura would have felt sorrow for Mami's passing and empathy for the tears in Madoka's eyes. She's moved past that now and sees no use for it when she can rewind time to where their yellow haired senpai is alive again. Life is nothing more than a game where Homura can revert to the last save point to start over again. The real question is how many continues does she have?

"Hey Irregular, what is Madoka to you anyway?"

Homura finds it odd that Kyouko is asking about that, but then again, perhaps it's not. Regardless, Homura gives her the silent treatment whether because she's being cautious or because she thinks that someone with no sentiment like Kyouko would never understand. Someone who only fights for themself wouldn't understand Homura's burning desire to protect Madoka from this cursed magical world. But on a deeper note, Homura wonders what exactly _is_ Madoka to her. She can hardly find a word to describe their relationship or even begin to explain it.

"Don't act so superior, you're the same as me. We're not even human anymore! We're not even alive anymore…"

Homura says nothing back while Kyouko tries to knock some sense into the blue haired knight. It's sooner than expected, but Sayaka will turn into a witch in the next few days. It's an undeniable fact that Homura has witnessed time and time again. At first, she tried to stop it, but it soon became apparent to her that it was something unavoidable, and she stopped trying at timeline number seventy-one.

The psychotic madness set in those sky blue eyes is enough for Homura to flee in case of a new witch's birth. She expects Kyouko to follow, but knows that is highly unlikely. The fiery magical girl has always been stubborn in saving Sayaka no matter how many times Homura turned back the clock, and sometimes she wondered why, but that wasn't the important thing at the moment. If something happened to Kyouko before Walpurgisnacht, Homura could surely see this timeline ending in failure.

"Madoka has made a contract."

Homura's eyes widen with horror and a second later, a barrage of pink streaks across the dark sky toward the incredibly huge witch. Without a doubt, Madoka has made a contract. Homura could never forget that innocently beautiful color that suited her dear friend so well even as a magical girl, and the very sight of it makes Homura want to cry a thousand tears. This timeline is a failure.

She hears the gears shift and the clock hands whirring before her world goes black, and she wakes up in her same bed with her hair in twin braids. Her gaze falls upon the calendar on her wall where the date is marked one month into the past. Again, Homura has to live this same month again for the one hundredth and sixty ninth time. 169th time. The infinite loop she is caught in has distorted her sense of time immensely, and the reality that says two and a half years has passed doesn't register in her head.

A first year in high school at the age of sixteen is where she is supposed to be instead of wasting away in a loop where her mind will surely break from dwindling hope, and somewhere in the deep recesses of her mind, she wonders if what she's doing is worth it. She wonders if there is a point to any of this. The only thing she wants is Madoka's happiness, yet Madoka's happiness takes root in everyone's safety, which then translates to Homura needing to save everyone. No matter how many times she thinks about it, the chain keeps continuing until it eventually becomes a loop very much like her own life.

"Homura…chan? It sounds like a cool name."

Homura stops in her tracks and throws her cold gaze toward Madoka. This Madoka is more timid than the first, yet she still exudes the same presence somehow. The raven haired girl reaches a hand forward to caress the other's cheek gently. The latter is quite confused, and the look in her eyes gives away how awkward she's feeling. Then those words "What am I to you?" tumble carelessly from Homura's lips, and Madoka doesn't answer right away or more like she can't because she doesn't know what to say.

Her hand retreats, and she turns away from that pink hue. What exactly was she expecting in response anyway? Homura mentally curses at her moment of stupidity and finds herself leaving first, surprised that Madoka isn't the one scurrying to make an exit after such a display.

"So what's this thing going on between you and that Madoka girl?"

Homura ignores Kyouko's question and wonders why the girl always notices that and has a burning desire to ask about it in every timeline. What exactly is Kyouko expecting as an answer? Homura wonders but then doesn't have to anymore because curiosity gets the best of her, and she asks her truce partner for the reason behind the question. Fits of laughter reach her ears as she watches Kyouko clutch her sides. There's no doubt she's being made fun of right now, and it irks her slightly because maybe the fiery girl knows something she doesn't.

"What did you wish for, Homura-Chan?"

There's hesitation in Homura because this is the first time Madoka, any Madoka, has ever asked her that question. There's no way she would understand, yet Homura feels the urge to tell her everything. The words sit on the tip of her tongue waiting to spill pass her lips, but she bites them back at the last second. She searches deep inside those baby pink eyes and impulsively wraps her arms around her dear friend. Tears are silently falling from her dark violets, and she realizes only now that maybe this is more than just friendship. Something much, much more.

"Madoka has made a contract."

Homura falls in defeat at those words that have destroyed her world time and time again. This is the first time, since several dozen timelines ago, that she finds herself sobbing without regard to anything. As pink paints the dark sky once again, the screeching death cry of the witch fills the air and jolts Homura out of her daze. She runs herself breathless towards Madoka who lies half dead on the cracked pavement and rubble. Her trembling hand reaches for a near lifeless one and clutches onto it ever so desperately. How many times has she held that dying girl in her arms?

"I'm glad you're safe, Homura-Chan…"

Homura chokes on the sobs forcing their way out. This has happened so many times, yet it still breaks her heart to tiny pieces. She runs a thumb across those bloodied lips that somehow still find the strength to smile and sobs even harder at their warmth as she pulls out a handgun. The gears of time shift loudly, wrapping her in pure darkness and whipping her back in time to her bed with her hair in twin braids.

But instead of jumping out of bed and planning her next course of action, she helplessly breaks down and lets it take over her for the first time. She's tired of this, and tells herself that it's hopeless. Saving everyone is hopeless. Saving Madoka is hopeless. There's no future for her or for them, and for the first time, she feels her dwindling hope laugh as it claims victory. This is her last continue.

"Homura…chan? It sounds like a cool name."

Homura stops and prepares herself for the final act she's laid out. Confusion is written in those baby pinks that she has never once forgotten about, but that's okay because it's still her Madoka. Then for the first time in a long time, a smile graces Homura's lips, and she closes the gap between them with a hand reaching Madoka's cheek. She touches their foreheads together and breathes Madoka in like the air. She's whispering something along the lines of "thank you," "I'm sorry," and "goodbye" before slowly pulling away.

That same smile is still present on Homura's lips, but it has dulled into something more sad and regretful than happy. She closes her eyes, and a tear slips down her cheek as she pulls her handgun out. The cold end of the 9mm barrel kisses Homura's temple as shock and fear consume Madoka. The girl is panicking, desperately begging for Homura to stop whatever it is she plans to do. Seeing her beloved friend plead like so is more than enough to rattle Homura's resolve, and she feels a cloud of darkness invade her chest. She can tell her soul gem has darken from purple to black without even glancing at it. Her hand is shaking with terrible fear as she shoves the aching sobs back down her throat in order to utter her final words.

"I love you…"

Her violet eyes squeeze shut as does her finger on the trigger, and the last thing she hears is Madoka's scream. Silence fills the air, and Homura gathers the courage to slowly open her eyes. A blue tint has fallen upon everything and in front of her is Madoka frozen in time with an outstretched hand. Pain suddenly registers in Homura's right temple where she pulls the gun away, feeling the very bullet rest against broken skin. Blood trails down the curves of her face, and she falls to her knees, gasping for air she didn't know she needed.

Homura's gaze darts back to a horrified Madoka who dashed forward to try and stop her. The sobs she was holding back earlier spill out carelessly now. She leaves the handgun on the ground and goes to Madoka with a heavy heart at having failed even in this. Homura places a chaste kiss on Madoka's forehead, promising to never yield to dwindling hope again.

Her cool demeanor returns to her, and the grief has already cleared from her soul gem where the royal purple hue shines once again. Homura flips her hair and hears the gears of time shift, transporting her back to the start. She wakes up in the same room, in the same bed, in the same clothes, but takes no time to dwell in it. Timeline number one hundred and seventy one. 171. Her mind is clear of all doubts, and she's determined to save her precious person this time.

She's determined, yet something still lies dormant in the back of her mind. Something that whispers how failure will result in this timeline just like the others, but she pushes it aside because she doesn't need that now. It's not until Homura sees those baby pinks again where she starts to question if this was the right choice.

She doesn't know where things went wrong or how it even progressed this far, but she thinks that maybe the problem started in her selfishly-made wish. It's the one thing she can't rewind back to redo. That makes her wonder what she would do if a second wish were granted to her. What would she use it for, what would she wish for? She thinks about it this time and eventually comes to an answer. An answer she knows she should have wished for in the first place. And when she faces those baby pink hues yet again for the one hundred and seventy second time, 172nd time, she thinks to herself: _I wish for Madoka's happiness._

-Author Note-

Quifeng here. So Homura I think has always been the one who kind of ruins everything. I don't want that to sound bad but I think it will anyway. First of all, her wish to see Madoka again. This essentially pushes kyuubey to make a contract with Madoka every time because of the increased magical affinity. Even if that is the case and Madoka turns, why does Homura just give up after that? I mean we don't actually know if Homura is doing anything to protect Madoka during the fight, but if they beat Walpurgisnacht and Madoka survives, isn't that better than nothing? Though I feel like she's supposed to die every time.

Second point, after Madoka rewrites the world to get rid of witches, Homura unknowingly ruins it again by telling kyuubey about the witch method which he can't help but experiment with the idea. Even after all that, Homura rejects Madoka's help and decides to trap her and the others in the witch barrier she created. In the end, I don't think any of it is about saving Madoka or being able to be together. It's all about: I want to reclaim those lost school days with Madoka. She developed a god complex so to speak. She just wanted that lost time back.

Well that's about it for that. I feel like that made me sound like a Homura hater. I actually don't because Homura simply made a choice and everyone makes their own choices. It's just that for a time jumper she makes a lot of bad ones. There's also one plot hole I've always wondered about: how is Madoka contract-free when Homura resets? Unless she's jumping to alternate timelines where Madoka hasn't made one yet. Well yeah that's that. Like, follow, or review if you can and thanks for reading.


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